A Legacy of Unconditional Love

By: Kim Baumgarth

Emma was a unique soul.  Passionate, intelligent, and radiant. Her time here on Earth was too short, but I am lucky to be her mother.  Emma started out in life stubborn and strong-willed and had a knack for always getting into trouble. She certainly kept me on my toes when she was growing up.  She had so much empathy for people and animals.  So much so, that at times it was too overwhelming for her to handle. She was beautiful, kind, loving, and accepting of everyone.  She had so much love to give and just wanted love and acceptance in return -- nothing more. 

Emma was also an artistic soul.  As she entered her teenage years and her mental health issues started rearing their ugly head, she used art as a way to cope.  She loved to draw, paint and take pictures.  She had hoped one day to be a famous photographer.   She also loved to express herself through makeup, hair, and her crazy style. She was very talented. I remember she’d be sitting in the bathroom sink experimenting with new makeup styles in the middle of the night.  With no plans to go anywhere, she just wanted to try something new. I really miss seeing her perched in the sink, makeup scattered all about and listening to music.

Her teenage years were rough.  She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and was in a lot of emotional pain.  It kills me that I could not take that pain away and fix her.  She started using drugs to numb that pain.  In and out of rehabs and sober living houses, she battled her demons for six years.  She fought so hard daily but lost her fight at only 22 years old to Fentanyl poisoning.

Her sudden death left me devastated and in shock. I did not know how I was supposed to keep living without Emma here. I felt so isolated and alone. Not knowing where to turn, I Googled “grief support” and the Grief & Loss Center popped up. I called and spoke to Laurie.  I cannot tell you how loving and kind she was.  I felt like someone really cared about me and my child and our story.  

Our monthly Zoom meetings bring me so much comfort.  I’m in other support groups, but nothing compares to the bond we have in this group.  Laurie has created a loving and accepting environment for all of us.  I truly feel like we are a family.  We care and respect one another and remember our children that we have lost.  Each of our children are recognized for the unique and special kids that they are.

There was so much more to Emma than being labeled as an “addict” or “crazy”, and she always saw people for who they were and not just what the world chose to label them. Laurie sees that with our children.  There is a stigma and judgement in the world attached to how Emma died. There is not a stigma or judgement in our group. Our meetings are a refuge from all that.  No matter how our children died, they mattered, and are not defined by their last actions.  Laurie really does hold our children close to her heart and you can feel it.  I don’t know where I’d be without the love and support of our monthly meetings.  This is the only place I can let my guard down. I feel like I can be me and express how I’m truly feeling- even on my worst days.  I know that my child and I are loved, supported, and seen.  And that is an amazing feeling that I am so grateful for.