Finding Courage, Friendship, and Strength After Loss

By: Amy Barbour

Today is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. Matt said this verse every day when he got up, he said it to people next to him getting radiation treatments, and he reminded me of this when I was discouraged by test results. This was Matt’s favorite Bible verse because it was his reminder that his blessings from God far outweighed the challenges he faced during his cancer journey and he could still rejoice because he had his loving Savior beside him through it all. It came as no surprise that this same Bible verse accompanied our morning devotion on April 11th, 2022. As I read the verse and devotion to him, I whispered, “Honey, wouldn’t that be amazing if you got to see Jesus today and say that to Him in person?” At 1:36pm, I held his hand as he breathed his last breath and was finally able to say those very words to Jesus. Matt was 61 when he passed away from Merkle Cell Carcinoma, a very rare cancer. We had been married for 20 years, together for 24, both of those milestones used to seem so large and impressive, now it just feels as if those years were cut short much too soon. 

To have known Matt was to have loved him. Everyone felt that way about him. He never knew a stranger, only a future friend, especially if they both liked baseball. He had that super gene that some men have where they can recall stats of any player or game highlights from years ago. When I met him, he played in seven softball leagues, six days a week. He just loved sports, loved being with his friends and loved creating memories out on the field. So many of his softball buddies brought back those memories as they came to spend time with him during his last few days. I loved watching him recall those memories and although he was in so much pain, he would just smile, laugh, and then tell them how much he loved them. 

Besides being a big baseball/softball fan, he was talented when it came to building things. I marveled at his vision of how something should be built with the highest quality and his relentless patience as he worked on the most difficult of projects. The days and weeks after his death, many of his past customers called me up and said things like, “I was looking out at my fence that Matt built 15 years ago…it still looks like the day he did it. He was one of a kind.” I’m glad that so many people have physical reminders like this to recall not just a builder, but a friend.

Even though I feel the pain and the emptiness of not having Matt here, I can’t help but smile at what I did have during our time together. I was so very blessed to have met him, loved him, been his wife, and experienced life with him. Even a life with cancer, which teaches you so many lessons around disappointments, pain, friendships, commitment, courage, strength, but most of all how deep your love can go.

As I started my grief journey, I felt that all those lessons were being repeated again, this time without a hand to hold onto. The three biggest lessons were around courage, friendship and strength and they were all found at the Grief and Loss Center. After spending five months thinking I could “handle it,” I reached out to Laurie and realized, I can’t do this on my own anymore. It took courage to attend the first meeting, but I am so glad. It was here that I met my GI’s (Get Its) – my friends who I can just say, “I’m having a hard day” and they don’t try to cheer me up, they just listen because they know. It’s through our meetings that I have seen the growth in myself and how much strength I do have to move forward in my life. 

While on hospice, Matt would play one of his favorite songs, Three Little Birds, and he would smile at me while he whispered the words. The day after Matt passed away, this song came on the radio. I still believe that he was telling me that everything was gonna be alright. If you have just started your journey, or you are years into it, remember this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it because you have been blessed and will continue to be blessed. Finally, there’s a small army of “Get Its” ready to walk with you on your journey and help you realize everything is gonna be alright.