From the Hearts of Grieving Parents
By: Ken and Rosemary Christy

Mike Christy was wanted and loved well before we met him.  We tried to get pregnant for 6 years, but nothing was working. Attempts to expand our family proved to be a brutal exercise in frustration and depression.  When we entered the adoption process, we found another emotional rollercoaster, one that I managed while administering anesthesia & taking call every other night for pediatric hearts. I also took regular calls at Children’s Medical Center and worked very hard. Ken was a Hospital Pharmacist in Dallas and was involved in proper medication use for patients. He was assigned to teach patients and staff. He also researched drug information. He had to respond to all Cardiac arrest codes, still sign off the orders for all the medicines in his area, track down doctors who had entered orders incorrectly, and juggle various hospital committees he was on.

When we finally got the word he had been born, we were beyond euphoric! Holding and feeding him was such a pleasure! I took off three months and stayed home to bask in my new role as mother.  I savored each moment and fell madly in love with our new addition. I loved every moment God gave me with Mike. Mike was an incredibly sweet, easy baby who blossomed into a wonderful athlete!

We loved watching him play and excel at hockey, baseball, soccer & basketball. After his games, we would host most of his teammates in our family pool. He was always a team player; a trait that we were always proud to see on and off the field.

He was also a computer whiz and asked if he could build a computer for his 16th birthday. Once he finished building the computer, his friends came over to play all sorts of computer games. Knowing he was safe and with his friends, I gladly bought them pizza so they would continue to hang out at our house.  He was deeply loved by all.

As he grew, we truly enjoyed each age and milestone. He was always the leader of his friends, yet struggled at TTU. He dug in with his studies and graduated in 2012. We were very proud of this accomplishment!! It was so exciting watching him turn into the man he was meant to be.  We prayed he would gain success in a career.

Mike was 26 when he died on August 25, 2014, of a heroin overdose. His father and I were truly shocked! We had no idea he was using drugs.  While he was growing up, we often reminded him and his sister of the dangers of multiple drugs.  We explained to both our children that the average life span of an addict is five years once they started with IV drugs.  We also explained about the justice system. We warned them in certain circumstances my husband and I could not help them. The judicial system would take over.

I’ll never forget driving back from Colorado in the dark to claim our son’s body. In the panhandle, a comet came down and followed our car for a good 5 seconds; then disappeared into space. Even at the end, he was letting us know he was ok.  

Planning a funeral is similar to planning a wedding when you consider all the details, but the difference with a funeral is that you only have a few days. I handled every detail as if it were my last gift and duty to my son. The following days were a blur.  I do remember there were over 400 people who came to pay their respects to Mike and support us that day. We were very mindful of our daughter.  She had lost a brother and needed to be comforted also. We muddled through 2 months, then salvation came.

One of the nurses I knew from the Children’s Medical Center ICU visited us and gave us Laurie Taylor’s name.  She said that when children died at the hospital, the parents were referred to the Grief and Loss Center.  I emailed Laurie and she responded very quickly. I responded with his eulogy and funeral details.  Laurie was genuinely interested in Mike’s story and ours.  Following our email conversation, my husband and I came in for an intake where Laurie suggested we join a grief support group for other parents who had lost adult children. 

My husband and I are very different in how we grieve. As an intuitive griever, a term I learned from Laurie, I feel the need to discuss my feelings and find solace in a community. My husband is an instrumental griever, who rarely jumps into voicing his opinion during our grief group meetings.

As a mother, I had been there for Mike through each transition in his life. After his death, I felt amputated – as if my soul had been cut open and I was painfully hemorrhaging. Anxiety attacks started, and I vividly remember the day I realized I would never see him again. I believe there is an after life and that I will see him again; however, that doesn’t make the present any easier without him. 

The Grief and Loss Center has been our salvation. Laurie was an angel to us. She provided a buoy in treacherous water.  I was in a terrible place, and I know my husband was grieving in his own way.  Laurie’s kind, loving direction helped us navigate this horrible grief. 

Since 2014, we have been involved with the Grief and Loss Center. At first, we attended monthly meetings, and had private sessions with Laurie whenever necessary. We gained a tremendous understanding of the grief process. When we became more stable, gave back through volunteering and our grief support meetings. The amazing part was this was all free!  I began seeing a psychiatrist before we encountered the Grief and Loss Center.  He charged $400/hour. Laurie’s experience & skill set in dealing with people who have lost a loved one, I believe, are better most trained professionals. Her dedication cannot be equaled. I am so impressed she remembers all clients and their loved ones names and circumstances.

My husband has served on the Center’s board of directors for 2 years, and is very honored to give back. The Center has provided a safe place to express our grief among people who are going through the same process.

The Center was and continues to be the best fit for our grief journey. We have been enveloped with love, compassion, and support. We are thankful to be members of a grief support group with other parents around our age that have experienced the loss of a child. Beyond the special bond we feel with each member in our group, we are utterly amazed at the fact that the entire process from intake to support group is completely free of charge. 

We appreciate that the Grief and Loss Center allows people to express themselves freely. Each person who shares their story with Laurie and anyone else in their group knows that anything said will be greatly treasured and never repeated.