We often spend a great deal of time trying to fix our grief. It’s raw and deep and isolating and difficult. We grow sick and tired of feeling sick and tired so we desperately try to fix grief as quickly as we can. We don’t understand that grief befriends us when need it most. It is not our enemy. It is the guide that leads us from the wilderness of sorrow to the path of hope and renewal.
Grief can’t be fixed because grief isn’t broken. It doesn’t need to be repaired. Grief is terribly misunderstood as an enemy to be fought — a burden to be overcome — an illness to be cured. Quite the contrary, grief is a gift given in the most difficult moments of our lives to help us endure devastating loss. Grief patiently and lovingly guides us to a place of growth and renewal.
We often try everything we can to fix our grief. Words can help, but words can’t fix grief. Exercise can help, but exercise can’t fix grief. Praying can help, but praying can’t fix grief. Support groups can help, but support groups can’t fix grief. Counseling can help, but counseling can’t fix grief. Journaling can help, but journaling can’t fix grief. Nature can help, but nature can’t fix grief.
Sometimes we try unhealthy ways to fix our grief. Drinking may seem to help in the moment, but the relief is short lived and could lead to alcoholism. Overeating may seem to help in the moment, but the satisfaction is temporary and could lead to obesity related diseases. Shopping may provide a short-term adrenalin rush, but could lead to overspending and debt. Moving from one romantic relationship to another may provide fleeting intimacy, but could also lead to promiscuity and deeper loneliness. Unhealthy “fixes” for grief are dangerous and never ever work.
It’s simply not our job to fix grief. Our responsibility is to embrace grief and to grieve well. Somewhere along the way we finally realize that we don’t fix grief. Grief fixes us.