85 Years of Laughter, Beauty, Strength and Perserverance
By: Rhonda Lang

In May 2021, my world was turned upside down.

Thursday, April 22nd, 2021, my sister returned to Texas after staying with our mom to help her recover from an aneurysm surgery. I was scheduled to go to Arizona to help continue her recovery. Mom had been given a good report from the doctors a few days before, so I was confident she would recover. However, the next night my mom had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. Because of her age, they ran multiple tests, including the use of contrast. My mom already was suffering from kidney failure so contrast was not supposed to be used. Consequently, she was admitted to the hospital. I arrived Sunday, April 25, to take care of her, never dreaming this would be the last week of her life.

I visited every day during visiting hours, sitting with her, talking, and watching her sleep. Every day brought a new complication. Finally, she was discharged to my care. I thought this meant she was going to be okay, but I was wrong. 

The day I took her home, we talked for a couple of hours before she became so tired she had to go to bed. The home health care agency came out the next day to set up her care plan. I made dozens of phone calls to schedule her medical appointments. Mom slept most of the day. Although I tried to get her to do more, she couldn’t. I got frustrated and said things I now regret. I didn’t understand how sick and weak she was.

I was still convinced my mom was going to be okay when she went to bed around 7:30 p.m. Sometime around 11:30, she called out for me and asked for one of her meds. I gave it to her, but less than an hour later, she called out again, unable to settle down. Then, things quickly deteriorated. I asked if she wanted me to call 911 and she said she did. Everything happened so fast after this.

I followed the ambulance to the hospital and went in to be with her. I never left her side. Four hours later, my mommy was gone, and I haven’t been the same since.

My mom was 85-years-old. She had given me years of laughter, beauty, strength, and perseverance. I could not imagine life without her.

Not long after, I started searching for some kind of grief support. I initially balked at the idea of therapy, but I knew I needed something. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, but I was sure what I didn’t want. I wanted somewhere where I wasn’t going to be judged for who I am and how I was feeling. In my calls and searches, I found the Grief & Loss Center and talked with Laurie. After the initial conversation, she welcomed me to the support group. I soon began attending the monthly sessions. I wasn’t sure where it would lead, but it was a start. 

These monthly meetings have allowed me to share and listen to others and to cry, laugh, and heal. Feeling safe in a group of people going through similar circumstances has been so important to me.  As time went on, I began to allow myself to grieve the loss of my sister (2011), my brother (2019), and my aunt (2020), not knowing that I hadn’t done so until after my mom passed. 

In September 2022, I lost my former stepfather, and it hit harder than I expected. At this point, my emotional health was suffering. I felt lost, anxious, sad, depressed, angry, and so many emotions all tangled together. Friends and family had noticed and one of my closest friends suggested seeking a one-on-one therapist. I can honestly say, before my experience with the Grief and Loss Center, I would never have considered seeing a therapist, but the acceptance and kindness from Laurie and the group gave me the courage and permission to ask for help and I am so grateful.  

In being open with my experience, I have been able to refer others to the Center. I feel like the Center offers a genuinely comforting, accepting environment that other groups may not have. There are simple rules to follow so everyone is respected. And there are no expectations beyond showing up when you can, listening, and sharing if you want which is perfect for so many.