Bittersweet Beginnings
By: Jenna Jabara

While it was not the first time I’ve experienced loss, the murder of my brother-in-law, Khalid Jabara, in August of 2016 shook my husband, Rami, and me to our core.  Khalid was murdered on the front porch of the home he shared with my in-laws. Years of harassment led to Khalid’s murder.  Less than a year before it happened, the same man ran my mother-in-law over while she was out walking and talking on the phone to my husband about plans for our upcoming New Year’s Eve wedding.

Murder is a different kind of loss.  Wounds are re-opened and details are re-hashed through the investigation, hearings, and trials, or sometimes, left open-ended if the perpetrator is never caught.  My husband and I spent two weeks in Tulsa with family working through the immediate aftermath, and when we returned to Dallas, we felt completely lost.  I asked a friend of mine, who is a social worker, for resources to help us work through everything that had happened.  The Grief & Loss Center was on a list of places she recommended, and it seemed serendipitous that the Center was less than a mile from our home.  I reached out to Laurie, who set us up for an intake and invited us to the Homicide Support Group. 

I have come to realize how rare such a group is and how lucky we were to have stumbled into what came to be referred to as “the club we are glad exists but no one wants to belong to”.  Rami and I are forever grateful for that group, and Laurie’s facilitation, who carried us, and still carries us, through loss.  Our group supported us through court hearings and trials, the subsequent loss of my father-in-law, and even welcoming our daughter when she was born.  We found solace, support, hope, and even joy within our own little community of “get-its”.   

More than that, the support group provided us a community in which to grieve – something that individual counseling does not offer.  As I have watched others join our group throughout the years, my heart breaks because I know those fresh feelings of grief and shock.  I hope they feel the deep, genuine support – just as we do.

Each summer and fall our family is filled with emotions and anxiety as we slowly mark off milestone dates – Khalid’s birthday in July, the anniversary of his murder in August, the anniversary of the assault on my mother-in-law in September, birthdays in October, holidays without loved ones in November and December, until we get to our anniversary – remembering that last, sweet New Year’s Eve when we were all together, celebrating the end of what was a difficult year and the beginning of our lives together.   

This year we have once again made it through those difficult months and it is January once again.  Another January filled with hope, but also the marker of another year without Khalid and other loved ones who have died over the years.  I know the bittersweet feelings of a new year are not unique to our family, especially after a year like 2020, which has been so difficult for so many.  The Grief & Loss Center continues to be a beacon of hope and a community for us, just like the many other families it serves.

When I joined the board in January 2020, I was honored to give back to the Center!  I specifically enjoy supporting the Center as it seeks grant funding to sustain its many programs and amazing work!