From Loss to Service - My Grief Journey
By: Mike Lefebvre
Growing up in a Virginia suburb of Washington DC, my dad absolutely refused to drive into the city because of the traffic. I played soccer in high school and my dad would come to all my soccer games - except the ones in DC. During my last season, he surprised me by showing up to one of my games in the big city. He got off work early and took the subway just to watch my game. As I was warming up, I happened to look over at the bleachers and saw him wave. It is a memory I’ll never forget.
My dad and I shared a strong love for technology. As a kid, he got me interested in computer programming and networking pretty much as soon as I could read. This obviously stuck with me since I now work in computer security and am pursuing my PhD in Computer Science. Back then, my dad would reward good behavior with a weekend trip to Micro Center, a computer and electronics store. He would walk me to the bargain book bin in the back and would allow me to pick out a book (which was a few bucks, but at the time, it felt like winning the lottery!). To this day, trips to Micro Center is still a special treat, even if I now have to buy the books myself.
Fast forward to a hot July Texas pool party in 2016. William, a friend for a few years, asked about a tattoo on my ribs that he had never seen before. I explained that it was the signature of my late father who had passed in 2002. I had just turned 17 years old when my dad died. That conversation prompted William to tell me about losing his mom while he was in college. Losing a parent is not a club anyone wants to be member of, but finding someone else who understands the gravity of that kind of loss – especially as a young adult – felt like belonging to unspoken fraternity. Discussing the loss of our parents deepened our friendship.
Back when I lived in Virginia, a friend’s wife who lost her dad as a child had tried to get me to volunteer with her at a center for loss, but I never did. The idea stayed with me after I moved to Dallas. After being in Texas for a year, I finally gathered the courage to seek a center here where I could volunteer. I emailed Laurie and inquired about how to volunteer at the Grief and Loss Center. When she learned about me losing my dad at 17 and the story about my friend, William, she invited us to the Center to talk further. After learning about the Center’s support groups, Will and I left scratching our heads - uncertain where or how we could support the Center.
After several emails and a few more visits with Laurie, we discovered a large gap in the Center’s young adult community, supporting people ages 18-35 who have lost a loved one, such as a parent or sibling. We then decided to create the Center’s Young Adult Group, which felt a lot like starting a new company. We thought through the marketing and the budget and logistics, and wondered if anyone would actually show up to the monthly support group meeting. Now, we have around 20 young adults who attend monthly to talk openly about their journey with loss, while finding commonality and hope in sharing their individual grief journey with peers who also “get it” – like members of an unspoken fraternity.
After helping form the Young Adult Grief Group, I decided I wanted to continue to give back to the Center. Laurie approached me in 2018 to join the Board of Directors, which I graciously accepted. It has been very fulfilling to see the work that goes into sustaining the Center, along with hearing about the growth the Center has had over the past two years. Recently, I happily accepted the nomination of President of the Board, and I look forward to helping the Center maintain stability and expand it to serve as many community members as possible.
As the Center closes in on a decade of operation, it is important that we plan to sustain and expand into and through the next decade. As long as grief is experienced, the Grief and Loss Center is here to warmly accept those who need a place to grieve and find “Hope after Loss.”