Giving Back, Moving Forward
By: Marilyn Bick

My experience with grief has been hard at times.  I often think about those I’ve lost – my dad, my mom, my first husband and my second husband. I cherish each of their memories. 

I lost my first husband, Newell Oler, in 2001. We were married for twenty-two years. Newell was a brilliant, talented pianist who began playing at an early age. He produced and sold many albums during his lifetime. Even today, I get calls from people who want to purchase some of his music.

Two years before he died, he was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). Not long after his diagnosis, he quickly became wheelchair bound. ALS is a such a cruel disease. The body fails; but, the mind remains intact. 

Three years later, I married Rodger L. Bick. He was also brilliant in his chosen field.  He held both an MD and PHD in oncology/hematology.  Before we met, he had been a professor of medicine at UCLA for 20 years. He dedicated much of his life to hematology, and he was very devoted to his patients. 

In January 2008, after we had both retired, we moved to California where we bought a home and large sailboat.  We planned to spend retirement sailing up and down the west coast like he did growing up.  We were there maybe six weeks, and he knew his heart was not going to last.  So, we moved back to Dallas for his care, and we sold everything in California. He died five months after we returned to Dallas of congestive heart failure.

I will miss both Newell and Rodger as long as I live.  They were each great men, and I loved them both so very much. They each left a great legacy and many memories for me to cherish.  

I first became connected with the Grief and Loss Center at its beginning when I attended a grief support group that Laurie started for individuals who had lost a spouse. In this group, I learned so much about other’s grief and how grief affects everyone differently. The spouse loss group led me to become a Stephen Minister. After finishing the Stephen Minister training, I was assigned to be with women who were also grieving the loss of a spouse. As part of the Grief and Loss Center spouse support group and being trained as a Stephen Minister, I was able to talk with them; but, more importantly, I was able to listen to them without judgement or the stigma of helping them fix their grief. 

I have served several terms as a Grief and Loss Center board member. I completely support the work Laurie does to help others as they walk through their grief journey, and I so appreciate those who volunteer at the Center to help advance the mission of providing emotional support and grief education for grieving children, teens and adults to rebuild hope and community.