I often wish I could sit down with every person who experiences the death of a loved one and share two of the most important things they can gift themselves as they begin their grief journey. Although it may seem oversimplified, grace and space lay the foundation for healthy grief.
Grace is extremely underrated, but so very crucial. All too often, we are hard on ourselves because we think we have to live up to the expectations of others and mourn the way they think we should. Even more difficult is trying to live up to the expectations we have set for ourselves. Grief is a process, not an event. Slow down and take it one moment at a time.
Give yourself lots of grace as you walk through the wilderness of grief. Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes. Try not to “should” on yourself. You did the best you could at the time you had to do it. Hindsight is so much wiser than the present. And please understand that you need to take care of yourself. You are not responsible for another’s grief, only for your own. Be as kind and forgiving to yourself as you are with others.
Space is the gift of slowing down and exhaling. Take the time to grieve and mourn. Don’t bow to the loving pressure of others to participate in events and activities when you need time alone. Solitude can be so very healing. Create the sacred space you need to remember, to mourn, and to slowly find hope again.
Give yourself space to take care of yourself. Although you may have always been everyone’s “go-to” person, you may be running on empty and have nothing to pull up to give to others.
One day, you’ll have the capacity to take care of those you love, but for now, focus on yourself.
Grace and space offer healing and solace on the journey. Embrace them both.