Grievers often express the desire for someone to simply sit with them in silence. They grow weary of clichés and well-intended comments that are meant to help, but harm.
They don’t need advice. They don’t need a friend or family member to tell them about their own losses. They simply need the presence of compassionate people who are listening to understand, not respond. Believe it or not, we can learn a lot about how to walk alongside someone who is grieving from elephants.
Elephants demonstrate an exceptional level of emotional depth including a profound understanding of grief and loss. They form very strong bonds with their herd, and when a member dies, their behavior teaches us a lot about our own behavior as we support someone who has experienced the death of a loved one.
The most beautiful expression of the herd’s grief is the vigil they hold around the body of their deceased herd member. In one instance, a mother elephant was deeply grieving the death of her calf. The other elephants made a circle around the mother and her baby’s body and stood in silence for hours. They stood motionless as they joined the mother in her mourning. They didn’t make a sound. They stood in sacred silence. They surrounded the mother with love and empathy. They made sure she knew she wasn’t alone in her grief.
We often struggle to find the “right” words to say when in the presence of someone who is grieving. We never seem to find them because there are no “right” words. Often, we have a need to say something that we think might help, but grievers don’t have a need for words. They simply need family and friends to gather around them in sacred silence to assure them they are not alone.
Let’s remember the lesson from the elephants and go and do likewise.