Grief Brain, Not Alzheimer’s
Her husband died, and she was paralyzed with grief. She spoke between sobs as she shared the stories of how they met and how they grew in love and built a life together. She recalled the day they found out he had cancer and the long hours he spent in treatment. She spoke of hope and his determination to fight his disease so they could grow old together. She shared her fear of losing him while trying to stay positive for him.
Her voice lowered to a whisper as she quietly confessed, “I haven’t shared this with anyone else, but I think I have Alzheimer’s. I am losing my mind. I can’t remember anything. I can’t focus on anything. I get disoriented when I’m driving. I can’t complete anything I start. I am terrified that it won’t be long before I can’t function at all.”
I can’t count the number of clients who have shared these same thoughts and feelings. They sincerely believed they were declining cognitively and would eventually lose themselves and need round-the-clock care. I never tire of explaining they don’t have Alzheimer’s. They have grief brain. They are overcome with relief when they realize grief often causes all the difficulties they are experiencing.
Not everyone experiences grief brain, but many grievers do. They feel as if they are no longer connected to their bodies. They feel present and absent at the same time. One bereaved mom explained she felt like a hologram. She knew she was in a room with other people, but at the same time, she felt as if they could walk right through her because she wasn’t anchored to this world but was floating in a state of “otherworldliness.”
“Grief brain” encompasses all the cognitive and neurological changes that occur in our brains after the death of a loved one. We may experience difficulties with memory, concentration, organization, and decision-making, among other things. These are all part of the grief process and will eventually disappear. Although it seems we will never find our “real” selves again and reclaim our brain and all it controls, we eventually do.
Be very patient with yourself. Make notes and checklists. Try your best to focus when driving or have someone do the driving for you until you are more grounded. Give yourself lots of grace. Although it’s hard to believe right now, grief brain will gradually disappear, and you’ll find yourself again. When you do, you’ll continue to grow in your grief and learn to manage all the new and challenging experiences that come with it.