Losing a Mom and Learning to Listen
By: William Chisholm 

When I was a freshman in college in 2010, I unexpectedly lost my mom from an abdominal aortic aneurysm (AAA). A few years later, I met one of my best friends who had also experienced the death of a parent at a young age. Our friendship became anchored in the shared experience of having lost a parent way too soon. 

In 2017, the two of us decided to volunteer at a non-profit grief center, where we could give back to the community. After connecting with the Grief & Loss Center, we recognized the need for building a community of young adult grievers, and eventually became founding members of the Young Adult Grief Group that same year. That group continues to meet each month, and is an important part of each of our grief journeys. 

Personally, the Grief & Loss Center has been instrumental in providing hope and community as I continue to grieve the death of my sweet mom, even now, over a decade later.  One of the most important lessons I have learned from the GLC and Laurie is the power of listening. When I first lost my mom, I remember people trying to give me advice on the best ways to handle my grief. Their prescribed wisdom, while they meant well, was incredibly overwhelming. Looking back over those tumultuous days, the people I appreciate and remember most are the ones who just listened to me in the moment.

As I approached my first Mother’s Day without my mom, I sought out loved ones and friends who would listen to what I was going through, and just let me feel what I was feeling.  I tried to avoid people who had “answers” for me about how I was supposed to celebrate a certain way. I will never forget being surrounded by safe and compassionate people that helped me grieve my mom and get through that difficult first motherless Mother’s Day with the love and support I needed.

Fast forward to present day. Whenever I chat with people who have recently lost a loved one, I spend a lot of time listening. I do want them to know that unfortunately I have been through a similar journey of loss and grief and can relate to them as a fellow “get-it”. But I also want to acknowledge that their grief is uniquely personal, and I am making space for them to share their unedited stories with me. Active listening means letting them know that we can discuss whatever grief topic they want to talk about.

It feels good to be a listening ear to other grievers as they navigate their way through tough times of mourning, especially holidays and celebrations. I will forever be grateful for the personal growth, the shared experiences and the special people I’ve encountered through the amazing Grief & Loss Center.