Losing the Love of My Life
By: Anonymous Husband

She was my vibrant, healthy, and active wife for twenty-six years, such a beautiful person inside and out.  Born and raised in California, she loved spending time at the ocean and surfing. By profession, she was a dentist who cared not only for her patients but also for others less fortunate. She traveled with church groups to Mexico doing pro bono dental work for Native Americans living on the reservations. She loved all animals, but rabbits were her favorite. She raised them for twenty years and gave them names like Radar and Petunia. The two of us were happy and life was good.  

On Groundhog Day, February 2, 2019, she suffered a sudden stroke and passed away on February 4th at the young age of 60.  Those two days in the hospital were a traumatic time for me, family, and friends.  I was heartbroken to lose the person who had been everything to me. 

I knew that I was going to need help dealing with my grief and loss, so I started going to see a great counselor.  After some time had passed, she felt that I could benefit from additional support from the community. Laurie Taylor at the Grief and Loss Center was recommended, so I called her.  The first evening I arrived at the Center, I wondered what I was doing there.  Was this a mistake?  The Spouse/Partner Loss Group lasted about 90 minutes. By the end of it, I thought “This is where I need to be.”  I began attending the support group regularly.

As a new person in the group, I sometimes felt very alone, but quickly began to realize that I was not the only one going through the loss of a spouse. I witnessed people who have been participating the group and have gotten better.  The support group is a comforting and safe fellowship, where a symbiotic relationship builds between the members. Over time, as new people join the group, I could see how much progress I made and I could honestly say, “I’m getting better”.  

Support group members have a mutually beneficial relationship with Laurie Taylor, who  guides the process.  Laurie is very good.  She gives practical advice on dealing with grief:  that grief is normal, here’s what you can expect, and here are some things that can help you on the journey.

In 2020, I lost two more loved ones, my mother at age 81 and my best friend at age 61 as a result of pancreatic cancer.  They both lived in Oklahoma so I traveled back and forth to Texas while they were ill. Unfortunately, I missed several of the Spouse/Partner Group meetings during this time.   As much as I loved my mother and best friend, and as hard as it was to lose them, once you have lost your spouse, the most precious thing in life to you, everything pales in comparison.

Although it was never mentioned, I felt a personal obligation to give back to the Center so I made a financial contribution to support the ongoing work which I think is important. There are many different ways to support the Grief and Loss Center. I’m just grateful to have benefitted from the support I found there.