Multiplied Grief

By: Teena Johnson

Several years ago, our nine-year-old son, Eric, was diagnosed with Chronic Auto Immune Hepatitis and we were told that he would need a liver transplant. On Valentine’s Day 2001, he received his new liver. This beautiful blessing gave us an extra sixteen years with Eric, but then he developed Crohn’s disease. By 2016 it had progressed to the point that he had to have an ileostomy to help manage the disease. He was thrilled when it was reversed. We felt relief and believed that his health would continue to improve.

Although we had great hope, Eric’s body began to shut down. We were shocked when we were told that he needed palliative care and that we should begin to make final arrangements.  We had always known this day would come, but it was still so very hard. Eric was transferred to Houston under the care of his transplant team and he began palliative care. Eventually, hospice care began. We spent three weeks in Houston loving Eric and drawing even closer to each other as a family. Eric died at the age of 38 on September 28, 2017. 


I was determined to be strong! I returned to work with a smile on my face and did not allow myself to grieve. I paid the price for this in December 2017 when I had a widow-maker heart attack. The doctor told me I should have died because I had 100% blockage. This was a huge wake-up call for me and I knew I had no choice but to learn to step back and take time to grieve. 

I was doing well when my world fell apart again. Late in the evening on April 27, 2021, I received the call that no parent wants to receive. One of my surviving sons, Cullen, 38, was dead. I was in disbelief. I could not breathe. Once again, I was in shock.

Cullen had struggled with prescription drug abuse since he was in college and was first prescribed Ambien. However, he worked his 12-step program faithfully and became a sponsor to many others over the years. Sadly, the isolation he felt from his impending divorce, the pandemic, and being an addict was too much for him and he took a street prescription drug that was laced with Fentanyl and Fentanyl murdered my son.

The following weeks are still a blur. A friend recommended that I contact Laurie Taylor and provided the number for me to call. I knew I had to do something because I did not want to have another heart attack or worse.


Contacting Laurie was the best thing I ever could have done. She listened to me! She invited me to join the Senior Adult Mom’s group, a group of wonderful ladies that “get it”.  My feelings and emotions are validated each and every time we get together. Even though we meet through Zoom I feel hugged every time we meet!

My sweet boys were very different. Eric, an Eagle Scout, was bigger than life! In spite of the cards dealt to him, he loved Jesus, loved people, and always had a way of bringing the party to every gathering. He made connections and kept in touch with all who impacted him throughout his life. 

Cullen was a thinker, electrical engineer, songwriter, guitarist, and singer. Love was the most important thing in Cullen’s life. I’m always reminded about what’s really important in life when I read this excerpt from these words he wrote:

“May you have everything you need and want from life. You deserve it, and are certainly worth it. 
I love you. If you have not, I love you. 
If you are lost, I love you.
 And if you are found, I love you.
 May you know such love and share it with the world. May I always have a smile and one to share when you have none.”