My Brother Brought Out the Best in Me

Alison McMillion

It was a Sunday like any other. I was folding laundry and getting ready for the upcoming week when I received a phone call from my dad. His voice was trembling, but he was trying with everything he had to come across calm when he said, “Ali, I have something to tell you. Something happened to Scott”.

My brother was 25-years-old when he passed away unexpectedly. My world broke. Scott was my younger brother, my best friend, and my favorite person. I could talk to him about anything. He was my confidant and I was his. We were each other’s biggest fans and always showed up for one another.

My brother Scott was artistic, sarcastic, hysterically funny, and kind. The bond that we had was unique, and when we were together the energy was palpable. I remember he came to Austin to visit me for my 21st birthday. Instead of celebrating this milestone at the bars on 6th street, I spent it at a punk rock concert with him. We sang every word along with the band…in the front row, of course. It was my most memorable birthday to date. Simply being around him brought out the best in me. We were quirky, awkward, carefree, and always in sync.

Scott helped broaden my worldview. He was passionate and advocated for those in marginalized communities. He led by example. He challenged me and taught me how to love. Today I try to live my life in a way that would make Scott proud of me. His life passions live on in me.

Shortly after Scott passed, I received a text message from a girl I knew from work. We were both registered nurses at the time and, honestly, more acquaintances than friends. She mentioned that her boyfriend had started a group through the Grief & Loss Center focused on young adults who had experienced loss. At first, I was skeptical. I have never been part of a support group, and this seemed like a very sensitive topic to share with strangers. I remember sitting on the floor of my house crying alone one afternoon. I pulled up the article about the Grief & Loss Center my colleague had sent me…and I just called.

Soon after I received a phone call from Laurie Taylor. Our conversation started as a simple intake interview about the person who had died and my story of loss, but over time, what she and the Grief & Loss Center offered me was so much more than I could imagine.

The first event I attended was a ceremony hosted by the Grief & Loss Center celebrating the lives of loved ones. I remember hearing Laurie speak in a chapel full of grieving adults and children and feeling like she was talking just to me. I don’t know how to describe it other than her words “were like butter”. They were soft, smooth, and not overpowering. Listening to her and meeting her at that event convinced me that I could show up to a group and tell my story of loss without reservations.

My initial support group meeting was in November of 2017. As the only person in the room who had lost a sibling while most others had lost parents, I didn’t feel singled out. We went around the table and told each other about the loved ones we had lost. I went through an entire box of tissues just saying things out loud for the first time to someone other than my friends or family. Next, we did an activity where we took tissue paper and decorated a Christmas ornament that represented our loved one. Mine was a heart, covered in colors of the rainbow…with a hint of leopard print. It hangs on my Christmas tree every year and I can’t help but smile every time it catches my eye. I had no idea something so simple could be so impactful.

The Grief & Loss Center offered me more than I ever expected. I attended a few one-on-one sessions with Laurie, as well as regular monthly group meetings. That group became my safe space - a place for me to truly feel, speak, and release. I always joked that I wouldn’t cry all month until I got to those meetings, and I would let everything go. The people in the group were from all different backgrounds and all had different experiences.

I developed close friendships with members of the group; those shared bonds are different and deeper than bonds that I have with people I have known my whole life. The conversations are intentional, meaningful, and come from a place of understanding. It’s like Laurie always says, “There are the ‘get its’ and the ‘don’t get its’”. This group gets it!  I am forever grateful for the life-changing experiences and the enduring friendships that the Grief & Loss Center brought into my life. 

On my grief journey after losing my brother, it was comforting to know that someone else had been where I was and made it through. Eventually, I can now offer that same reassurance to another person in their hardest moments of grief. And I can highly recommend the Grief & Loss Center to struggling grievers.