New Dad’s Love and Legacy
By: Hannah Murray

In early August of 2021, I took my husband, Chadwick, to the hospital. I was over eight months pregnant with our first child. Within four days, Chadwick was placed on life support. Two weeks later, our wonderful son, Lennox, was born. Chadwick died six days later.  

Chad was absolutely ecstatic about our son, Lennox. He was already an incredible father. When visitors weren't permitted at my prenatal visits, he insisted on still driving me and waiting in the parking lot. Sometimes he couldn't even wait until I got to the car to hear all about it. He would call me while I was walking down the hallway to the parking garage. He would push the stroller around our house just for practice. I would hear him on work calls gushing to strangers about how our sweet little boy would be arriving soon.

Chadwick treated everyone he encountered the same way: with kindness and love. He would roll down his window to wave and thank people who let him over while he was driving. He would make everyone at the eye doctor's office laugh during his exams. He would stop what he was doing to chat with friends who needed to talk. He was the absolute most supportive person. If you ever wanted to do something, he believed you could and he made you believe the same.

Chad truly soaked in all of his moments. He appreciated them. He was humble and grateful. He let himself experience pure joy; even in the small things. He worked very hard to get to the place he was in his life. It was an exciting and joyous place. He deserved every ounce of that excitement and joy.

I love the sound of his voice. I would often get lost in watching the way his mouth moved as he spoke. His distinctive laugh filled every room he ever entered. 

I am so thankful I got to share my life with him. We enjoyed one another. We loved each other fully. We would go for walks all the time and talk about our dreams and future plans, but we would also just enjoy the scenery and the moments together. He loved me unconditionally. He encouraged me. He made me feel special. He made me feel safe. He taught me so much. He gave me countless moments and feelings that I get to treasure in my heart forever.

Chadwick’s illness came on suddenly. He had allergies for most of his life and was experiencing those kinds of symptoms. He was a vocalist/musician and was in the middle of recording an album at the time, so he thought he should go to the doctor to help with preserving his voice. He was diagnosed with severe allergies and began treatment, but his symptoms only worsened. He became very lethargic and started having difficulty breathing. On the day he died, it was discovered that he had a very rare autoimmune disease which led to him developing Interstitial Lung Disease. While he was in the hospital, he told a nurse, "I'll try to hurry and get out of here and go home so someone else who needs this bed more than I do can have it." Several doctors and nurses told me he was the kindest patient they ever had. This is who Chadwick was and who he continues to be forever.  

About a month after Chad passed, I decided to seek out help. As I held our son every day and stared into his eyes, I thought a lot about how he deserved to have me at my best. I wanted to be the best I could be for him. I heard about the Grief & Loss Center from a friend. I nervously dialed the number. I was greeted by a calming voice on the other end of the line. I scheduled a meeting with Laurie Taylor for about a week later. From the very first time I spoke with Laurie, I felt comfortable and safe. I remember one of the first things she wanted to know was how I met Chad. She wanted to hear all about him. I told her I could talk about him forever. I have been telling her about him ever since. 

I eventually joined the Young Women’s Partner Loss Support Group. I was really nervous about the first meeting. Again, my nerves were calmed after talking with all of the wonderful women in the group. My heart broke for everyone. I felt so connected to each of them through our shared grief experience. Every month, I am comforted and encouraged by these meetings. They are painful and challenging, but they are also really hopeful and meaningful. I have learned that both pain and hope is the theme of my grief journey. I am immensely sad because Chad is no longer on this planet. At the same time, I have a joy in my heart that I have never experienced before. Because of our remarkable son, I see this theme played out in so many moments now. I am able to experience profound loss and profound joy simultaneously. I am able to be present with precious Lennox and enjoy him fully.  I am so thankful for that.  

Laurie and all of the wonderful women in the support group have guided me along. They have let me know that anything I am feeling is alright. They have lifted me up on some of my darkest days. They have listened to anything that is on my heart. They have helped me in ways I could have never imagined. I deeply hope that I have been able to help them in some way, also. I am forever grateful to the Grief & Loss Center. I can’t imagine being on this journey without these special people. I see myself being connected to them for a very long time.