Rebuilding Life After Loss

Laurie Taylor

The death of a loved one often tears down and destroys life as we knew it. The very core of our foundation crumbles into a thousand pieces and we don’t know how we’ll ever rebuild. The fog of disbelief surrounds us as we go through the motions of being alive while feeling almost dead inside. 

Just the thought of rebuilding our lives magnifies the absence of our loved one and the unfairness of their death. We often find ourselves paralyzed and anxious about our future. We have so many questions about what life will be like without them, but there are no immediate answers. We find ourselves in the wilderness of the unknown, which is unsettling and provokes much fear. 

The enormous task of rebuilding our lives seems insurmountable. We often put pressure on ourselves to hurry and “get over it” so life can return to normal. Along the journey we discover that the “normal” for which we yearn will never be the same. We begin to understand that we have to rebuild our lives and construct a different “normal.”

When we become overwhelmed with the fear and uncertainty of the future, we need to take a deep breath and stay where our feet are. We need to take one day at a time. Then when that day is over, we can move to the next day. We take much slower steps on this journey than we want, but healthy grief demands patience and time, and more patience and time.

Our lives rebuild slowly along the journey, but this construction project has to start with a strong foundation. Grief is work. Healthy grievers allow themselves to grieve and to mourn. It’s hard and ugly sometimes. Other times, it can be beautiful. 

It’s called griefwork for a reason. As we daily make our way on our unique grief journey, we are rebuilding our lives moment by moment without even realizing it. It’s not a question of if we can rebuild our lives. Every day, we already are working on it.

It may be terribly hard to believe now, but our newly constructed lives may also become lovely and remarkable and fulfilling. May we have the patience and the hope to gather and use the tools we need on our journey of rebuilding.