Small Rituals for Mourning

Carol Ricks Bowman


Nothing can be more disruptive than the death of someone you love. The depth and breadth of your grief depends on the connectedness you feel with the person who died. The more intertwined you are, the more affected you are – spiritually, emotionally, physically and even linked to your perception of yourself.

During the chaos of our grief, we need order. Funerals or memorial services are traditional rituals that our culture expects, but grievers often need small rituals along our grief journey as we seek peace and clarity of mind and in order to become more grounded in our new reality.

Karla Helbert, grief counselor, suggests “creating your own personal rituals to remember your loved ones allows you to access and work through your grief in a safe and constructive way.” 

Mourning rituals are “symbolic activities that help us, together with our families and friends, express our deepest thoughts and feelings about life’s most important events,” according to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, grief counselor and author.

Mourning rituals can take many forms, and can be both personal and spiritual in nature. Rituals can be designed for you alone or for sharing with others. As grievers, we need ways to celebrate our loved ones and move through our grief in new, unique and meaningful ways. You may decide to create a special ritual only one time, or you may decide to hold your ritual (or some version of it) on a regular basis – daily, weekly, monthly or on some special days like birthdays, anniversaries, holidays or other special occasions.  

Taking action with small rituals can help with healing as you regain your equilibrium on the long journey of grief, giving you and other family members and friends opportunities to remember and reflect on your loved one’s life. Hope and joy can emerge in these rituals of remembrance.

Here are some examples of Small Rituals for Mourning: 

  • Favorite Meal
    Cook your loved one’s favorite meal and gather friends and family to share. Or ask everyone to bring a dish that your loved one enjoyed. Host a meal on the loved one’s birthday or another special day of remembrance. Toast your loved one with their favorite beverage. Or go to a favorite restaurant of your loved one and enjoy their favorite food.

  • Item of Remembrance
    Carry a remembrance item such as a piece of jewelry or a handkerchief. Bring out and hold the item of remembrance when you feel the need. Invite family members to carry and share what their remembrance item means to them. 

  • Art
    Create art in your loved one’s memory, through coloring, drawing, painting, sculpting, music, dance or other creative endeavors. Host an art workshop for grieving children to create a token in remembrance of their loved one. Share your art with others.

  • Giveaway
    Give a cherished item that belonged to your loved one to a special friend. Explain what the item meant, where it came from, and how your loved one used it. Take a photo of the person with the item for your memory book.

  • Altar of Remembrance
    An altar is a space where you collect meaningful things that represent or symbolize something sacred to you. Gather items together in a special place that can stay for as long as you want. Include candles, photos, leaves, flowers, and personal items. Spend quiet time in the altar’s sacred space. Over time, add to the altar in remembrance of your loved one. 

  • Candle of Remembrance
    Select a dedicated candle to light for your loved one. Light their candle a certain time of day or on special occasions. 

  •  Letter of Love
    Often there are many things left unsaid when someone dies, especially unexpectedly. Writing unsaid words and blessings to the departed can be deeply moving.

  • Time in Nature
    Go on a field trip to one of the loved one’s favorite spots. Have a picnic, a sharing circle and talk about best and favorite memories and stories. Enjoy the company of Mother Nature too!

  • Gravesite Mementos
    Leave something on your loved one’s gravesite – flowers, balloons, teddy bears, photos, coins, stones or something they would enjoy. 

  • Memory Scrapbook
    Fill a scrapbook with photographs, letters, postcards, notes or other significant memorabilia from your life together.

  • Favorite Music
    Spend time listening to your loved one’s favorite music. Create a special playlist of music that reminds you of that person. Share your playlist with family and friends.

  • Favorite Movie
    Host a movie night with family and friends to watch your loved one’s favorite movie. Or watch it by yourself and pause when you need to feel your grief.

  • Tree Planted
    Plant a tree or flowers in a special place in your loved one’s memory. 

  • Favorite Charity
    Make a donation to a special charity your loved one supported. 

  • Facebook Page
    If your loved one’s Facebook page is still active, write your thoughts here, which will be shared with their family and friends.