From Melodies to Memories: A Mother's Grief Journey

Juliette’s son, Tim.

The shock and chaos of loss landed squarely on us on November 22, 2021, when my beautiful son, Tim Rufus McCullough, exited this life totally unexpectedly. He had run the Philadelphia Marathon the day before. Running was his hobby. He had run many previous races, but this time he qualified for the Boston Marathon. After an exhilarating and very happy day, he went to bed, had a massive heart attack, and died in his sleep. Tim was 42 years old.

Tim’s world and his real passion were music, which was evident even when he was an infant. It wasn’t long before he would serenade himself to sleep while playing his toy guitar. As a little boy, he would write us birthday songs, and later, he tried to turn his favorite children’s book into an opera. As a young teenager, he played jazz piano in a Garland coffee shop.

Though his main instrument was the piano, Tim loved playing trumpet in the Garland High School band, followed by four years in the T Longhorn band. Graduate school at the Manhattan School of Music took him to New York, where his adult life as a pianist, accompanist, and music teacher began to develop. He especially loved being a teacher at the Bloomingdale School of Music, where he had many beloved colleagues and students. His incredible warmth, humanity, and humility, along with his fun-loving and playful nature, drew people to him. A delight in being physically active balanced his deep musical interests. He was his high school swim team captain, and later, he started his running life in New York.

Tim loved to aim high and to take on challenges joyously. He climbed mountains literally and metaphorically. One of his greatest challenges was dyslexia. Both he and his beloved sister, Franceska, shared the same language learning differences. Despite all their difficulties, they both found creative, playful ways to utilize their unconventional reading methods. Tim chose not to benefit from any accommodations in college because he said he had to learn to survive in the real world, which was so typical of his spirit. One of his biggest challenges was working so hard to pay off his considerable college loans, which he accomplished just before he passed away. In many ways, his life began when it ended.

This tragedy occurred when I was supporting my daughter as she successfully fought breast cancer. When I finally returned home to Dallas in March 2022, I was in shock, dazed, and numb from the horrors of the past months. I knew I needed help, so I got online, and the place that jumped out to me was the Grief and Loss Center. I called and got an immediate response! I have benefited from two grief groups, which I believe have been my life savers! When we suffer the trauma of losing a loved one, we feel isolated, cut off from all the good, positive, hopeful things in life, cut off from life itself. By connecting with those who had had similar experiences, I began to feel less alone, included, and alive once again.

I feel so connected to all those other beautiful souls with whom I share the shadow of bereavement. Laurie Taylor is amazing at helping us name our feelings. My emotional experiences can seem like an overwhelming blur, but it is by sharing in the group, with Laurie’s guidance, that I learn exactly how my feelings relate to the grieving process.

Our Mom’s group is amazing! As I learn about their beautiful adult children’s lives, I feel that I know them. They have helped me so much and are in every sense my ‘soul sisters.’