Thank you, Jay
This is the first time I have put into words my thoughts on my son Jay’s sudden death. I hope this painful exercise helps me move past some of my grief.
Jay was a fairly easy child to raise. He had his disciplinary and school issues, but never were they severe. His mother and I divorced when he was fifteen, and he lived with her. That did not stop us from spending time together. It just made it less frequent.
Jay played high school football at Lakehill Preparatory School in Dallas and then went on to Ole Miss. His focus for the first three years of college was partying, friends, and school, in that order. After his third year, he decided he wanted to be a doctor. His 2.3 GPA made me skeptical, but he was determined. He studied for two more years at Ole Miss and was accepted into dental school.
From there, Jay’s ambitions skyrocketed. He finished dental school, a one-year hospital internship in Jackson, Mississippi, and then four years of an Oral Surgery residency. From that point on, the world was his opportunity. He married during his last year of residency and had three kids. Even with Jay’s professional success, his family was his greatest love.
Jay’s death has left a pain in my soul that I have to live with. Being with him and his family gave me so much joy, as I loved him so dearly and was so proud of him as a father, son, and person. He gave back to his family and friends and truly cared. I tell him every day how much I miss and love him.
After Jay’s death, I reached out to Laurie Taylor and the Grief and Loss Center as I was emotionally lost. What the Center has given me is support, love, and a connection for my grief. This has been so important for me. Each month, I meet with other bereaved parents whom I have come to respect, admire, and love. I am grateful to Laurie, who facilitates our group and helps it flourish and serve as such a great support system.
Although Jay’s death wounded me, I still must move forward in my everyday life so that it has meaning. I have done this through working part-time, exercise, friends, socializing, and my grandchildren. After Jay died, I became more intentional about connecting with his children, and now that deep connection has expanded to include all seven of my grandkids. They provide love, support, and a way to express my love.
The greatest gift he left me is the close relationship I have with my grandchildren. I do not think this road would have existed if Jay had not died. I will cherish and embrace his beautiful gift the rest of my life.
Thank you, Jay.