The Joy of a Mother’s Love
By: Kimest Sanders

My Momma, Norma Sanders, was a wonderful mother.  She raised my brother and me as a single mother and provided for us the best she could.  She loved the Lord.  My Momma was so funny. She would say whatever was on her mind.  As an adult, my favorite time with her was watching her with my niece, her only granddaughter.  She cared for my niece in her home every weekday until she was five years old.  She loved that little girl, and they were inseparable. They would laugh and sing and play; it was pure joy! 

When Momma was admitted to the hospital, we didn't know what was wrong with her, she just wasn’t doing well.  She quickly responded to medication for a suspected infection and was doing physical therapy but then started declining pretty quickly.  While in the hospital, on about day 36, I had to make the decision to put her on hospice.  At that time we never really got an answer from the doctors as to what was wrong with her.  I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions as she was fine one moment and then she wasn't.  My Momma died unexpectedly on January 22, 2020. 

I got connected to the Grief and Loss Center by doing an online Google search.  I am a school counselor so I knew I needed help with my grief.  When I called to get information, the lady who answered the phone was so wonderful.  She explained everything to me and reiterated that there was no cost.  I believe I asked her that several times.  I was supposed to meet with Laurie Taylor in person for an intake appointment and then Covid 19 happened, so we did the intake over the phone.  

I participate in the virtual Family and Friends Support Group once a month.  I knew I wanted to be in a group, because I needed to hear that what I was feeling and doing was "normal".  Laurie is an amazing educator to the group in regards to grief.   I was reminded that we all grieve differently.   It was ok for me to feel ok in one moment and not feel ok in the next.  

Laurie prepared us for how to deal with holidays and anniversaries. The group has helped me realize that the anticipation of the holiday and/or anniversary has been more stressful than the occasion itself.  I like that there are norms in the support group and that everyone is asked to share at their own comfort level.  Laurie listens to us and helps us make connections. 

A useful lesson that stands out to me is when Laurie taught us what a linking object is. Sometimes it is hard for people to let go of an object connected to our loved one. I really had a hard time turning off my momma's cell phone, and several friends commented on how much money I was wasting.  I felt that if I gave up that object, I would somehow feel I am no longer "daughtering".  Laurie pointed out that if I could pay for it, then it was ok for me to keep the phone connected.  I eventually turned the phone off.  I called the phone company, found myself crying on the phone, and initially needed to call them back the next day.  I waited two days, but I just kept in mind that it was ok for me to take my time. 

During my time of grief and loss, the Grief & Loss Center has meant a lot to me in understanding that my grief journey is unique and that I can take my time to embrace my grief.