We close doors. We close windows. We close bank accounts. We close meetings. We close business deals. However, one thing we can never close is our grief for a loved one.
People often look for ways to stop their grief, to “get closure” and become absolved of the pain and sadness following the death of a loved one. In reality, grief is painful and inconvenient. People desperately want to get back to “normal” and “move on” as quickly as possible. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just flip a switch, turn off our grief, and be done with it? But grief doesn’t work that way. There is no definitive closure. The intensity of our grief lowers, but we will always grieve the absence of those we love.
The term “grief recovery” is used so much in our society that we expect to recover fully and completely from our grief. But grief is not the flu. We don’t “recover” from grief. Instead, we reconcile it into our lives and learn to live again with meaning and purpose.
Grief is love. When we experience the death of someone special in our lives, our deep love for them becomes so painful we call it grief. Just as our love for them will never end, our grief for them will always be present. However, the intensity of our grief will ebb and flow throughout the years. Sometimes we’ll experience a grief tsunami and at other times, we’ll go through a grief storm. Eventually, we’ll simply sense the gently flowing stream of grief as we remember our loved one and the bond we continue to share.
Even if we could achieve the closure and recovery of our grief, would we truly want it? Grief is our connection to our loved one. It is natural and beautifully designed. Let’s move forward in our grief instead of moving on from it. Let’s reconcile our grief instead of striving to recover from it. Let’s look forward to reclaiming the beautiful meaning and purpose of our lives that lie ahead.