Since the death of your loved one do you feel like you are two different people living in the same body? Do you smile and act “normal” on the outside, but struggle with the emptiness and void of grief on the inside? Do you need to brace yourself before going out in public so you can summon the strength to put on a happy face and interact with people as if nothing in your life has changed?
Recently, a bereaved mom shared, “I put on my invisible heavy armor every time I leave my home. It protects me from showing the depth of my grief and is a barrier from well-intended, but hurtful comments. It’s my invisible wall of protection. My inside feelings can’t permeate the armor so I’m able to portray the “normal” me, the me I used to be. My armor is the strong person I want others to see. When I return home, I drop my armor and become the real me again.”
Wearing the armor becomes exhausting because it becomes heavier and heavier the longer we wear it. It gradually becomes suffocating and uncomfortable. Grief is already an innately exhausting load to carry making the additional weight of the armor almost unbearable.
When we return to the safety of our home, we escape our pretend world of acting “normal.” Our armor immediately falls to the ground and we can breathe again. We can be our true selves again. We can mourn. We can relax and let all the stress and anxiety of acting “normal” fall away. We can return to our reality and freely mourn our loved ones. We are in the safety of our home and can be our authentic selves. It’s liberating.
If you are grieving a loved one, we hear you. We see you. We know the load of grief you carry is hard to bear. We know the armor you put on each day is incredibly heavy. The day will come when you won’t need it anymore. The intensity of your grief will lower eventually and you’ll find the strength to walk back into the world without it. Until then, our hearts are with you. We are here for you.